Hi Everyone,
This week is my spring break and I wanted to write a spring break-themed story. I was struggling to come up with a memory until mom told me about one of the first things she said to dad.
You may be thinking, “oh, I bet it’s something sweet and romantic.” And you would be wrong.
See, mom gave dad his “accepted student” tour at Yale in the spring of 1998, during his spring break. And she told him in no uncertain terms, “don’t come here”.
He had been accepted to Columbia, UC Berkeley, and other top-notch schools. So she urged him not to go to Yale as she thought that would be better for him. Good thing he didn’t listen to his future wife.
Mom was born and raised in communist Bulgaria while dad grew up just West of Boston. Two completely different childhoods and life experiences. Yet they happened to meet on a random spring day in New Haven, CT. David had no reason not to listen to Mina, and yet he ignored her advice. They got married a little over four years later. Think of the odds of all this happening.
This got me thinking.
What if David had listened to his tour guide and had gone to another school? My parents wouldn’t have fallen in love. I would not have been born. I wouldn't be walking 200 miles this summer.
It’s a little mind-boggling when I think about how a few words could have altered the lives of so many people. And it’s even more intimidating to think that mom and dad could have parted ways as soon as they met, never knowing they would’ve had this life together. I mean, as I’m writing this, I’m having an existential crisis imagining a world without me, my brother, my sister, and so many other things.
But see, that’s the funny miracle of life. Anything, literally anything, can produce the most meaningful and valuable thing there is: a family. For whatever reason, the odds were stacked in our favor there.
But as much good as the butterfly effect can do, it can also work in the opposite direction.
Dad developed a sarcoma with a 4-in-1,000,000 occurrence rate. Unbelievably slim odds that he would get this deadly disease. You basically have a better chance of being struck by lightning. But he did get sarcoma and our lives changed forever.
I’m at the point now where I imagine family as mom and my siblings; I don’t picture dad anymore. So much of my life has happened since he died and the more time goes on, the harder it is to retain the idea that I had a dad. Of course, I do everything possible to hold onto his memory and remember all the great things he’s done. Doing this walk has already helped and will continue to help me remember dad.
However, I always imagine what life would be like with him still alive. Would I be the person I am today? Would I have the same values? All these questions lie in the back of my mind with no real answer. And they won’t ever be answered. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I just don’t know.
My favorite subject in school is math because I know there’s always an answer. When there isn’t a specific and calculated answer, I find it so hard to understand something. It’s why dad’s death has been impossible to comprehend; I don’t know how to live with it.
So if dad had never gotten sarcoma, I wouldn’t be sitting at my desk writing this. I wouldn't have met many of the people who have helped me to recover. I would be a different person. Dad’s life and afterlife have shaped me to be who I am now.
But there’s one thing that sarcoma didn’t change…. My left foot.
When dad first noticed that I was left-footed, he told me that “left-footed players are secret weapons”. I was shocked at this revelation because I’m right-handed so I assumed I’d be right-footed. Only 3% of right-handers are left-footed, which makes the odds of my “weapon” pretty slim. However, throughout my soccer career, my coaches have always played me in positions where I can use this power.
So crazy odds brought my family together, took a huge part of it away, and gifted me a secret weapon — shaping me to be who I am today. These odds are the reason why I’m writing to you now and why I’m doing this Camino walk over the summer.
Does everything happen for a reason? I don’t know. Sometimes things work out, but other times they don’t. Regardless of what happens, though, what matters in the end is how we can come together to create something priceless and long-lasting.
Life is constantly moving and can change as a result of literally anything. And if your tour guide says don’t go to the school, go there anyway!
Until next week (with a special guest)!
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